Mother's Day let down

and today is just not a happy day. I went to church with Brian. He went to the student group and I sat in a crowded church alone. How can I say alone when I have friends there and they had to set up extra chairs...well I truly felt alone. Don wouldn't go. He's doubting his faith. Now when things are happening when I truly need God, and have been turning to him, my husband doubts his faith.

I started folding laundry and Brian comes and asks if he could help. I politely say, I've got it and that it had been sitting there for a week. I got it. I put it away and take the basket into my room to start sorting laundry and Don is like did you see your cards? No, we'll apparently they were sitting on my computer, along with a bunch of other stuff. I'm supposed to find my cards. I break down crying saying that no one wants to spend time with me and it's clear how upset I am and he couldn't even put his arms around me to say he was sorry he'd been working so much. So I'm working around the house. Don's working around the house. Brian's doing homework, Doug's doing a thesis paper that was assigned 2 months ago and he's still not finished and it's due tomorrow. So on a day in which I should be enjoying my family, I'm walking around alone in my house full of family.

I hope this is far from the joy and love you are experiencing. I know so many people have lost mothers and mothers' who have lost a child and today is probably a sorrowful day. I hope that all mothers can find some happiness today. I wish I could find a bit of happiness, but I'm truly expecting nothing more than what I have already. Some days I doubt my usefulness as a mother. I have self-doubt that my children appreciate what I've tried to give them and do for them. My own self-absorption in school and work I'm sure is part of the reason my kids feel neglected. I guess if they feel that way, then there should be no reason that I feel neglected on Mother's Day.